Faith-Fueled Ambition: A Muslim Woman's Guide to Goal Mastery with Kosser Abdul Aziz

I have been working with public speaker and author, Kosser Abdul Aziz, to boost my confidence as a Muslim woman in the health and wellness space. In an industry that is underrepresented by brown and black women and full of negative stereotypes about Muslim women (alas, I have many a stories!), imposter syndrome, comparison, and procrastination are my top struggles that hinder me from setting and achieving realistic goals. This is something Kosser and I discussed in a lot of detail… many conversations were filled with laughter and jokes, and some included a few minutes of me ugly crying!! So, in the hopes of encouraging Muslim women to fuel and nurture ambition with reliance of The Most High, I decided to interview Kosser and she shares some wonderful gems to get you started.

What do you think is the most prominent challenge for the Muslimah in today’s society in achieving dreams and goals?

 Time, patience and commitment. Finding the time is the first thing that comes to mind. Without a doubt, we all have busy lives and some of us are challenged in more ways than others. It is a matter of finding and creating the time that works for you as an individual, to create and commit to a plan and structure, exercise patience and most importantly, have trust in Allah.

Let the famous hadith, ‘Take benefit of five before five’, be a reminder here, especially, ‘Take benefit of your free time before your procrastination’.  

Whatever is in your ‘TO DO’ timeline is not going to disappear. It is scientifically proven that your brain is not going to allow you to forget about your unfinished tasks, so at which point you have a choice: you either choose to procrastinate and have a ‘I’ll get to it when I can’ attitude or write out a ‘things to do’ list, listing all the personal and work related tasks you need to get to, date them in order of priority and tick them off once complete. I guarantee that you will feel a sense of relief and accomplishment each time you tick that box! Trust me, I’ve been there. Stay committed. The only person that can help you achieve your dreams, goals and desires, that can make that change, is you.

How do you set and pursue personal or professional goals?

The brain is a goal-seeking mechanism. To be the better version of ourselves, we need exciting reasons to work hard, stay focused, and get out of bed every morning. The best way to achieve this is by setting a SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely). For example, I’d like to complete a reading the Quran before Ramadan 2024 so that I can start afresh once again. I have a choice: I can just tell myself that I will read a couple of pages everyday until Ramadan, in the hope of finishing it on time, or I can be more specific and note down; I will have completed (specific) the Quran (relevant) by 10th March 2024 (time-bound) by reading 1 Juz per day (measurable), 4 pages after every fard salah (achievable).

Meaningful goals set in this way will trigger your brain to work day and night to achieve them. The more clearly we see things the way we want them, the more motivated we will be to take action and make them a reality.

 That said, my mantra in life has always been ‘if you want something done, and it’s not available, do it yourself’.

Can you share an achievement that you are particularly proud of and the motivation behind it?

 There was a time that I became known within my community as a ‘Mover and Shaker’ (no, nothing related to belly dancing - I wish!).

In 2008, motivated by my children and local community alhamdu’lillah, I founded the very first Muslim girls youth club in Harlesden, Brent. This was followed by a club for our Muslim women, and not forgetting a club for our elderly. It all began with my teen wanting to join a youth club, just like her classmates at her non-Muslim school. Well, I wasn’t about to send her to a non-Muslim youth club, so began the search for a ‘halal’ club. To my disappointment I couldn’t find a club that was suitable so I decided to approach our local community centre to see if they would be interested in organising one. Alhamdu’lillah, the manager was very receptive to the idea especially because the club was going to be open to Muslims from all backgrounds rather than a specific culture. And so, the club was founded and was well received within the local community. Soon after, I began to think about all the stay-at-home mums with toddlers—wouldn’t it be great to have a safe space for them too, to come and network with others, share and learn new skills? Brent Muslim Women’s Club was born! I began to think of our lonely elderly: why leave them out? They also could do with getting out of their house and learning new skills, it’s never too late to do so. And so Brent Muslim Women’s Senior Club came into being.

 The women, young and old, had the opportunity to experience and take part in activities, such as indoor and outdoor sports ranging from basketball to indoor rollerblading, arts and crafts, poetry and educational workshops, debating, self empowerment classes, learning by doing classes, parenting classes, Islamic and Quran studies, health and well being seminars, as well as trips to local places of interest.

 When I look back at that time in my life, I see happiness and excitement on faces, young and old. Alhamdu’lliah I managed to bring them all together within a safe space for networking, learning and sharing new skills. Seeing their smiles and gratefulness and knowing that most have made dua for me,  is a great sense of achievement, tick box!

Life has its ups and downs and that is the nature of the dunya. In such situations, what keeps you motivated and focused on achieving your objectives?

 My faith. Hand on my heart, I would be a lost cause if I didn’t have my faith. I have been through many trials in my lifetime relating to all sorts; parents, siblings, children, marriage, work and friendships. In every situation, it was my unequivocal trust and faith in Allah that saved me. We have to hold on to His rope during our trials and tribulations and trust that He will get us through, Allah promises that His help is near, He will come running to us if we go walking to Him.

Accountability. Being accountable to Allah and knowing that no one else accountable for my actions helps me to give value to my objectives. For example, we are accountable to Allah for looking after this body that our souls reside in and we are accountable to ourselves to look after our health and well being in order to live a healthy life.

How do you handle periods of low motivation or burnout? Can you share a specific instance and the strategies you used to overcome it?

I would be lying if I didn’t mention my go to's during low motivation/burnout: a tub of ice-cream and chocolate ;)

 Just keep going. It’s easier said than done, I know.

A more recent example of low motivation for me has been to do with keeping fit. I am carrying a few more pounds than I’d like to at my age, so together with a friend, we challenged ourselves to go on a daily winter walk, twenty minutes minimum. You may be thinking, 20 minutes isn’t bad. But imagine, you are sitting at home in the warm comfort of your house, you look outside your window at the London sky and are met with cold, dull and windy weather. During the holiday season, your friends are sending you pictures of sunshine and sea and all you see at home is people in the street clasping their coats tightly against them, holding on to their woolly hats as they walk against the relentless wind… Would you want to nip outside for 5 minutes, let alone 20? Exactly.

I promised my friend that I’d do it everyday and check in with her by sending a picture of me being out. I could have cheated and sent my child out to take a picture instead, but I’d only be cheating myself :)

And so, it helps to have an accountability partner to encourage and help motivate you to ‘get up and get out’. It also helps to remember that you are ‘accountable’ for your own actions and if you want ‘change’ you need to take that necessary ‘action’. 

I need to lose weight, so I have to work on my mindset and will power. As I age, I fear my body becoming weaker and less able. I worry about not being able to go into sajdah during prayer times because of weak knees. I’ve noticed family and friends who are now using chairs to pray because of their knees. It has been really hard for me to get up and get moving but imagining the worst case scenario (not being able to do sajdah) is what eventually gets me going.

Do you think women are afraid of asking for or accepting help, and expressing their needs? If yes, why, and what can be done to overcome this?

There certainly are women out there that feel this way and there are many reasons as to why, perhaps cultural upbring, religious beliefs or being bullied, for example.

 Speaking from a South Asian perspective, women may be told to stay quiet, that no one needs to know your problems or, the family’s ‘izzat’ (respect) is at risk if you ask for help, asking for help is shameful, further still, women may be shut down by a simple, ‘it’s the man’s right, let it be’. 

Religion might also be mixed with culture. An example I’d like to share is of a friend who was petrified of filing for divorce because she felt genuinely that ‘Allah will be naaraz (upset) with me’. Which is certainly not true.

Women may have been through bullying during their early years, feeling intimidated by others and therefore feeling afraid to speak up for themselves.

Without doubt, if a woman needs help and is struggling, she must speak up and get help from the relevant person for her own sake, and that of any family that she is a protector of.  ‘Allah SWT does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear’. So, we turn to Allah SWT and make dua first, but we must seek help from the world too. For Allah SWT reminds us in Surah Shuara verse 62, ‘Indeed, with me is my Lord; He will guide me’. Again, you have to take action. Even if it’s slow baby steps at first, making a change in life, takes time and is a slow process, trust it.

For the Muslim woman who feels like she has lost her identity and zest for life, what 3 things would you advise to help this person come out of this rut?

Turn to Allah and seek help and guidance. I too go through life's up and downs and when that happens, after I sulk a little, I remember that Allah is with me and He will guide me, I place my right  hand on my heart and repeat ‘Inna Ma’iyah Rabbi Sayah deen’ (26:62) Truly my Lord is with me, He will guide me through. Allah SWT has your back sis!

Help others. There is a feel good factor associated with helping others, young and old in whichever way possible. It gives you a sense of belonging, allows you to connect with others and realise that you are not alone in your struggles. Some may be going through a lot worse than you, which makes you feel grateful for what you have, and giving some time to others to make them feel happy will have a knock on effect with you, allowing you to feel just as happy too.

 Pursue your passion. Do what makes you happy. We all have dreams and desires. We have one life sis, why not make the most of it? Pursue your dreams. What’s stopping you? Think of ways around it. Take baby steps. But keep going. Find your support network, someone that will be there for you through thick and thin, someone that will hold you accountable and help you to achieve your dreams. Don’t stop, keep going.

In the realm of health and wellness, consistency is key. How do you help people establish and maintain healthy habits consistently over the long term?

 Commitment and will power. Our body is an amanah (trust) from Allah and so we are obligated to take good care of it, mentally and physically. To make change, don’t delay it like me, for example, and wait until you find your knees not working as great as they used to, or you are on the brink of diabetes because of the wrong foods you fill your belly with, or you can’t play football with your grandchildren because you can’t run as fast as you could when you weighed a few pounds less.

 Yesterday was the time for you to choose healthier habits and lifestyles and stay committed to them for your own sake. Use your will power and determination to fight those thoughts that don’t want you to take care of yourself, that you would rather succumb to your unhealthy whims and desires. Have a positive mindset, one that tells you that if you take good care of yourself now, you are set for a good future and your reward is with Allah SWT.

I have found that many women struggle with discipline/consistency because they either feel overwhelmed by perfectionism and seeing wellness influencers live a perfect life on social media. Or they feel unworthy and afraid of the outcome. What would you advise this person?

 If seeing influencers makes one feel that way, why torment yourself? Ask yourself, what is your intention in spending time on social media? Stop following such people and live your life a ‘happier you’. But also, strengthen your mindset and remind yourself that not all is what it seems, especially when we refer to social media and this is a fact. Remember, most influencers are paid a great deal of money to promote products and they can afford to ‘look’ a certain way just for the camera. But, when the camera’s stop rolling they go back to their ‘normal’ self and who knows what that might look like.

Believe in yourself and your own capabilities. People will follow you on social media for example, because they like you, they like your content and you come across authentic, otherwise, why would they follow you? They are following you because you ‘speak to them’ and they believe in you, they are your true people/clients. Anyone that stops following you, wasn’t on your page for the right reasons to start with.

So, don’t let others be a reason for you not achieving your dreams and desires. Stay positive and surround yourself with people that believe in you.

Reflecting on your past experiences, are there instances where you set goals but struggled to follow through? What do you think hindered your ability to achieve those goals?

 I can think of a number of past goals that I’ve set and struggled with ranging from healthy eating habits, attempting to keep fit, signing up for and failing to complete online courses, incomplete manuscripts for my children’s books, half-done sewing projects, cooking projects and so on…

 Honestly, my main hindrance for most of my goals has been all to do with time and commitment. Not setting time aside to achieve my goals and not committing to the goal in the first place. I know what I need to do: structure and fix a time, believe in the goal, know why I want it and how it will benefit me, and then commit to it. But life in itself can be overwhelming at times; busy being a mother, grandmother, a wife for example, so it’s important that we take things one step at a time. Create your goals, but be realistic with how long you will take to achieve them. I haven’t fulfilled all my set goals, but I continue to slowly work on them for my own benefit. And believe me, because of the Zeigarnick effect that Allah SWT has blessed us all with, you will be constantly reminded of your incomplete tasks, this will either be a good thing for you, or it will haunt you :)

All actions are judged by their intentions. In the hadith, as narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab:  "I heard Allah's Messenger ﷺ saying, 'The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended.” How do you practice this hadith in your day-to-day tasks?

 I have found that reminding myself that I do what I do for the sake of Allah and seeking reward in the akhirah keeps me uplifted, with a sense of purpose and fulfilment. I was recently reminded by a scholar that we should renew our intentions every time we are about to do something, for a good action with the wrong intention will not get us any reward in the akhirah.

For instance, if I have the intention to share islamic knowledge with my followers for the purpose of gaining popularity, then surely I’ve lost the reward I would have gained had my intention been purely for the sake of just sharing knowledge instead.

Admittedly, I forget to renew my intentions quite often and this is something that I have to work on. However, I don’t stress over this because I’m aware that Allah SWT is All Just and All Merciful and knows that my intentions are pure. We are not angels and so are bound to forget, Allah SWT will remind us to take heed through His scriptures and His servants. It is up to us to take notice and dare I say it again, take action :)

Follow Kosser Abdul Aziz on Instagram and contact her here to unlock and revive your potential.